Pssst...

I have a confession to make:
I love this crazy beautiful life!

Backwater(s) Country ~

During a brutal storm that ended right before Turkey Day a tree was uprooted right before Mz. P and I. Where the tree was once rooted a stream of water shot out and literally went down the side of the mountain under the road and then traveled on down... It was spectacular and I went back and took clear pictures. According to the locals these mountain side streams will pop up throughout the winter. Score 1 for "The Mountain". LOVE IT!

This is the uprooted tree. A bit blurry (ha) as we were driving and trying to avoid collision with fellow motorists and other sentient beings. :)

First pictures of the mountain stream...

Clear picture at the beginning of this week en route to yoga... pretty amazing isn't it?

 Here's where you can really see it going down...

 then it comes out underneath the road to continue to travel downward...

 again, one side of the road...

 going under... under...

 voila... and it continues...

What a beautiful lesson about life ~ The ebb and flow of life is continuous. Therefore, it is better to go with the flow of life than become an uprooted tree! ;-)

Top 5 things I am grateful for today:

Disinfectant spray that does NOT smell like cheap man's cologne (Lysol spray - GAG) 

Heat

Hamburgers with all the sauteed fixings, bacon, cheese, and don't judge me ;-)

Appreciation

Giving

Namaste - K

Amazing Grace ~

How I began my relationship with God. My own personal relationship. This is something I want to write about. I want to weep for the feelings that have consumed me. Some sad, yet others joyful. With every shade of feeling in between. I liken my feelings to a rainbow.  Wow, I am learning to smile again. Really smile, from the inside out. As children we know how to do this. Yet somewhere along the way we forget when we have suffered. We wear our suffering, we become our suffering and all who come into contact with us are exposed to our suffering. Could not the purpose be to become LOVE. Become it. Be your life. Be your love. Be you.  Because you are what the world encounters so practice being you, in love.  It's a steady pulse.  Like a heartbeat. Constant.  Allowing the light to fill me up and then let it overflow. I love God. God is within and without there is support for the times we need external reminders, when our confidence in our faith is shaken. We seek others to lift us up, to validate, to fellowship about the virtues of man. Yet in love, we are the greatest virtue of man. The essence of pure white light. God is so vast it is beyond comprehension. So many divine messengers have come to speak our lazy languages as we have ceased to trust our intuition. The guide that is built within us all. A quote I read (I believe it's the Buddha, but don't quote me on this) says, "The key and the door lie within us all." I once again almost fell into another box just recently, a much larger box to be sure, yet a box all the same marked "religion".  I have wept, I mean wept. Sorrow leaking out of the depths of my soul. Wracking, heaving, yet subsiding, growing, and strengthening. Grieving and letting go. There is no turning back. I am a Pure Daughter of God. Love is my religion. My philosophy is kindness. I think that's what needs to be the focus of my life. Becoming not a "better" version of myself. It's creating a gentler, kinder me by changing behaviors that work against my own true essence. By embracing who I was meant to be and becoming who I am and letting go of who I was. By the Grace of God I am free to have the most loving relationship of all time, beginning with myself. This I can teach to my children. How to love the God within. Embrace the essence of who we are intended to be. Set the intention. Follow the virtues of love as dictated by the heart not reasoned by the mind. Quiet the mind. Your real intelligence will reveal itself. At least these are my thoughts at this hour...

Evolving into an authentic human BEING. Right here. Right now.

Top 5 things I am most grateful for today:
Grace
Faith
Intuition
Kindness
Love

Namaste - K

P.S. Note to self: Self, remember to upload the pictures from charged phone and, some other stuff, but I forgot. What a shocker. ha, ha ;-)

Real Magik ~

So, updates updates updates...
Where should I begin? Oh, um, let's see, Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was a splendid affair with my dear friend Mz. P and her dear friend Senor P. Mz. P made uber scrumptious treats. Absolutely delectable fare. Ranging from a cheesecake style pumpkin pie with gluten-free peanut butter cookie crust with real cream cheese infused throughout. Yes, that was a real dish. It was topped with whipped cream and homemade cranberry sauce. Oh, sorry, that was the dessert :). The main course consisted of a beautifully seasoned turkey breast. Juicy and succulent. Quite exquisite really. One bite, and well, alas, it was followed by one more and one more and yeah, you get the point. THAT GOOD! But wait, there's more. Asparagus and organic wild rice. Did I mention the homemade cranberry sauce? It was a divine revelation, truly, the entire experience, it was not only magical but orgasmic. YES, O-R-G-A-S-M-I-C.

I did have a little bump in the road. I did fillet my finger. Simple answer to the question: HOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT? I didn't want to do dishes, DUH! Let's just say that the knife was wickedly sharp and my senses were, uh, not. he he. I needed stitches, didn't get them. No insurance (found out it doesn't kick in til December 1) and well, let's face it, I believe I referred to my desire to see a doctor as to be about as appealing as releasing angry hornets or some such up my anus. Nuff said. Since I did fillet my knuckle, yep, ouch.  I ended up getting a splint to keep it stationary therefore not reopening the cut, spilling forth more blood, and yeah... It's also hampered my typing, yet, voila, not a week later and I'm clicking away. I am very thankful I am a fast healer. Big shout out to Mz. P for quick thinking and superb nursing skills. I kinda need my index finger on my right hand. It was a little tricky working the following day, and the next, and so on, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. The key is to do it with a pleasant attitude!

So to quickly touch upon the sad stuff. Well let's backtrack here for a second. Not too long. I have been in high spirits. ;-) My baby girl's birthday was the day before turkey day. Rough stuff, missing my babies like I do. HOWEVER, I received a most unexpected and AWESOME gift. A phone call from my Shooting Star @ approximately 11:30 p.m. on HER birthday. What a tremendous gift.  Ah, to hear my Star child's voice, a most peaceful and loving feeling fell over me. Like a blanket interlaced with all the love in the world. That little token, brought such a large soothing healing balm over my heart. My soul, so tortured for so long, became more still, more whole, more light. My essence is tied irrevocably to two light beings. My son. My daughter.  After an hour of the most spectacularly "adult" conversation (she being the adult, ha) we hung up. It was most definitely a "bye for now" as opposed to a "goodbye" forever. Progress people. Progress. ;-) Needless to say, I received a HUGE gift amid the Holiday Blues as I refer to them. I have a  HOPE for a miracle this Christmastime.  Not saying anymore. No jinks.

Off to go stand on my head. Not joking, it really helps. Mainly ensures the proper placement of my brain. It's a slippery little organ! :D

Top 5 things I am SO incredibly grateful for today:
Laughter
Mindfulness
Fellowship
Silliness
Healing

Namaste - K

Twinkle Twinkle ~

Today is my baby girl's birthday. I'm up late. Missing my children. Letting some of the pain all the way in for the first time tonight.  It's excruciating. It's hot and it's cold. It's so hard to make sense of it all. Difficult to breathe. Yet with each passing moment I realize I am still here. Right here. Right now.  Everything may not be as I want it, but it is okay. She is safe and healthy and as happy as any teenage girl can be. I just wish I could hold her, hug her. See her beautiful face. More than that I want her to know how much she is loved. So very loved and adored. God, I'm really feeling this hurt. Deep. The tears, they are so constant. I have been feeling this build-up day in and day out since I arrived. I knew it was going to be hard work. I knew I was going to have to look inward and see these places. I barred my heart from cracking too far open. Yet it's broken wide open, split and like a damn it's waters are pouring out. Turbulent, wild, untamed. It's a bit like a mountain laying on my heart. Heavy. Yet it's again, another surprise that it's not consuming me as I feared. My fear is again being proved to be wrong. I am stronger than my fear.  I am more than this pain. I am experiencing it. Letting it in. Sitting with it.  Much like a river to the sea. I am a constant ebb and flow of life. Finding my rhythm. Trying to let the hurt go.  It's one of those contradictory places to be. Feeling a real positive vibe most of the time in this life. Yet it's my baby girl's day.  I need to refocus and send her my positive energy.  How does a mother celebrate her child's life yet mourn the separation at the same time?  I have lost a lot of my memories yet a few moments I recall with clarity.  At precisely 5:30 in the evening on November 21, 1995 I gave birth to my sweet baby girl.

I used to tell my daughter this story about praying for an angel. I did too.  I remember being on my knees, broken, my body and spirit very nearly crushed and I begged God for a miracle. I asked for an angel. An angel that would shine their love into my sad little life. I received an angel, my Shooting Star.

How I love thee, let me count the ways
How I love thee, for the rest of my days -
You are my brightest light
In the dead of night -
I was a wretched soul torn asunder
Until a miracle made me wonder -
You made it worth the pain and strife
I brought you into this world -
Yet it was you who gave me life ~

I love you my Angel.
Mom

Top 5 things I am grateful for today:
Daughters
Music
Dreams
Shooting Stars
Angels

Namaste - K

High on the mountain...

I won't go in to today's doom and gloom. One day maybe, or maybe not. It's not the circumstances right? It's the attitude. So, I will just keep today's series of unfortunate events under lock and key. I will however throw some of today's highlights out there-

• dental abscess - the last dentist I saw was in Tonga. I've so busy "healing" everything except one important part of my body - MY MOUTH.  Come on, let's face it, me without a mouth is like a stripper without breasts, or a hooker without a vagina. Oh, and I have zip, zero, nada dental coverage, medical only (which I want to see a doctor about as much as I want to unleash a swarm of angry yellow jackets right up my anus).  I'm trying to do this the "homeopathic way" only to find out I ran out of Echinacea and the health food store, the only one for a 30 mile radius is not going to be accessible as there are trees blocking us in up here on "The Mountain". Ugh...
• toxic fumes -  fried my last brain cell which is BULLSHIT.  This part of my misery involves another human being or two or three and so I will leave out further mention except ONE POINT: It was NOT a fun high - YAY. It was a VERY VERY BAD high - very UN-yay. :(
• frozen ass cheeks - my overalls are the thickest and warmest bottoms I have, they are also a LOT of work to get out of and I have a bladder of an ancient one. I opted for ease instead of warmth. Bad choice. 
• numb feet - with two pair of wool socks I must wear my Crocks which are unlined to fit my double stockinged (I'm not sure that's a word at this point, see the part above where I fried my last brain cell) feet. My other shoes won't fit if I wear two pair of socks. It is colder to wear only one. I must therefore wear the Crocks to have warmer feet. They were okay until they got wet. I was a very long ways away from spare socks and shoes. Like 15 acres of cold, windy, rainy mountain with obstructions like TREES in my way.
• ringing ears and burning eyeballs - listing these together as a "2 for 1" as they are both side effect from the toxic fumes.
• migraine - blaming it on the fumes and the rest of my "highlights". 

But wait, there's more! (I won't frighten myself with the details in the event I'm brave enough to re-read this amazing piece of literature in the far distant future, ha.)

Okay, so today was/is rough. But it's a) almost over b) full of ample opportunity for growth, so much in fact I will happily spread it out over, oh let's say a lifetime and just call it "pacing myself" for posterity. Shit, was this really a DAY, just ONE DAY? 

Okay, I feel better for having whined. Truly, it helps to vent. I feel like a bit of an ungrateful ass for not listing everything I'm thankful for first. Yet, human I am. A damn perfect example of one too! 

Here's are my top 5 things I am grateful for today:

Mz. P (without her I would have, well, yeah)

Internet (of all days it's been out and spotty tonight it works)

Hydrogen Peroxide (help for my mouth)

Netflix (I watched Mary and Max, a total mood stabilizer)

Ridiculousness (today was a difficult day to find anything to laugh about, yet here I am :D)

Rain would have made the list as it washed my tears today while I was bawling my little heart out. HOWEVER, since it was a direct cause of some of my aforementioned misery, it doesn't make the cut. Rain shouldn't partner with wind and freezing flipping weather, it takes the magic out of it, well in my opinion at least. Mainly because my "didn't prepare for the weather" Californian ass was not dressed appropriately in suitable FREEZING - RAINY - WINDY attire I was miserable. Lesson learned. Tomorrow I am duct taping on a down comforter under a big ass plastic trash bag and wearing socks on my hands, my bunny hat with the feet tied around my face over the earmuffs, microwaved rice in a pillow case inside of my underwear, and I don't know what else yet, but yeah! I got this now. Oh, my imagination should have made the grateful list. I mean I can do some amazing shit with a metal refrigerator shelf, aluminum foil, large metal clips, twine, and empty paper towel rolls - See Directional Antenna for reference under earliest post... ha ha ha.  I can handle this weather, I just need to see things from a new perspective. I can handle this mouth thing, fuck, I speak "SURVIVE THE IMPOSSIBLE" fluently. I got this. Just needed a very personal pep-talk with my self. Self: YOU CAN DO THIS. With love in my heart and a burning desire in the depths of my soul to keep making this miracle called life happen in the most extraordinary way possible: JOYFULLY. It's all worked out so far. Just gotta have faith in the process and remember to be kind no matter what. A tough set of circumstances is never a "reason" to be a heinous bitch or an ungrateful troll. There's simply no excuse for bad behavior. I will do better tomorrow. Wow, I just set a realistic goal. Progress! 

What can I do to be pro-active and change old behaviors and habits RIGHT NOW? I can read and post the most amazingly beautiful affirmation I copied down last year for my ENTIRE body (mouth included).  I stopped reading it. I got lazy and cut corners from doing some of my own "work" and look what happened. Lesson #4, 676, 987

My affirmation for health:

In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. I accept health as the natural state of my being. I now consciously release any mental patterns within me that could express as dis-ease in any way. I love and approve of myself. I love and approve of my body. I feed it nourishing foods and beverages. 

P.S. I love you. :)

P.S.S. Kids, if you ever read any of this ridiculousness from your dear old mom please keep one thing in mind: You are what you eat! (For dinner I had a bowl of quinoa with cinnamon and walnuts, lots and lots of wal-nuts ;-)) 

Namaste - K

h(OM)e sweet h(OM)e

Don't quote me but I think I'm starting to really like it here.  Everything I need. I have. Everything else? We'll see. There's no rush and no need to worry. Negative emotions are futile and serve no purpose. I am so grateful for yoga and the focus it brings me. There are good times and bad. All lessons, all reminders to stay focused and to just not give up. Ever. Nothing is permanent. Change really is the only thing that is guaranteed. Pretty simple. Harder to apply. Wow. What a difference time makes. Just 24 hours can change the perspective on everything.

I thank the Divine Creator for the ability to stay connected to friends back home. I love thinking of a place on this planet as home. Weird, that used to send a really different feeling through my core. Now it's all warm and fuzzy. The place I call home isn't even located on a beach. Yet, home is where your heart is. The best part about having a home, I can carry that feeling with me wherever I go. It's a sense of belonging somewhere no matter where I am. It's fan-fucking-tastic! Guess this is a whole new world after all.  I love knowing that there is a "home base" that I can visit, recharge my batteries, regroup, catch-up with my "friblings" (friends who are siblings, I read the definition on the internet so it must be true). For now I live here, on "The Mountain". Life right now is about  my adventures here. After this assignment ends? Who knows? I will be ready for a new adventure. I am finding I am truly up for just about anything. Pretty exciting stuff.  Funny, it's the most settling feeling I've ever had in my life. That I belong. That I belong to this world and in this world and that I am of this world. I have purpose by just being. I have value by just breathing.  I take and I give. The last couple of years. I've received a lot. A lot of grace. A lot of tools. A lot of patience. Most of all a lot of love. Love from folks back at "home base" and a few more around the globe and even here on "The Mountain". My cup runneth over. My heart is full. I have officially fallen in love with love. I'm having the time of my life by loving the life I have.

I had a thought, not a very profound thought. However, it illustrates my feelings on the past pretty succinctly. My past isn't anymore a part of me than a toenail I cut off is still a part of my toe. It is more and more becoming about that important. I'm detached from it. Aside from my children and some hazy memories, well, the past is truly the past. I'm ready to move forward. Lighter. Freer. Kinder. Me-er. ;-)

Miracles happen everyday. I know because today, I cried. I cried because I am at some kind of place within myself where I have peace.  Kinda diggin' being me. That's not a revelation, that's a fucking miracle! Can I get an AMEN?

Note to self: Self I accept you for every imperfection and fault, because of every unique trait you posses you are you.

To quote the best Doctor I've never met: “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” ― Dr. Seuss

Top 5 things I am thankful for today:
Sunshine
Friendship
LED flashlights
Yoga
Love

Namaste - K

Love is my religion

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-eXYJnV3V4

P.S.

Top 5 things I am thankful for today:
The Princess Bride
Wool socks
Re-purposing
Laughter
Toilet paper

Alien Autopsy vs Alien Telepathy

This was a message sent to me today via a social networking site. I won't name the site but it rhymes with FACEBOOK.

Dude:

Kathleen, you might want to know what that alien told the nurse at Roswell in 47.

It fits what you just said. but in a totally different way.

Me:

He told him nothing, they took his life so that they may live, 

that's a backwards kind of logic, but if that's it, yeah I get it.

Dude: 

No, It's pretty serious, so I'm not sure I should tell you, 

It will change the way you see the world. I can't tell you it is true either so it is just a fictitious story that is suppose to be true.

Me:

The one about the doctors who carved up the three aliens and nurse X ??? I've lived many different lives, and that's just this time around, so not much can shock me at all, my dad was military, I've heard some stories about area 51, 1947 "the alien interview" with nurse X, ???

Dude:

go to youtube, look up Roswell, secrets revealed by nurse. If you don't find it, I will find it and give you the link

Me:

okay

Dude:

hope you don't freak out!

Me:

youtube won't stream, the internet here is hokey, it's REALLY slow

Dude:

hmmm ok, Do you want me to tell you what the alien told the nurse?

Me:

yes

Dude:

OK, There were 4 survivors, 3 died, the one that was more of a non organic life form (the commander) survived. The men took it back to the base. It would not communicate with them but did through telepathy to the one and only woman nurse that was there. she secretly copied her notes and released them recently before she died. (This alien was I believe a grey and they supposedly made some kind of agreement with our government afterwards). but this one they killed when they didn't think it was cooperating by electrocuting it. It said that when we die, our soul tries to go back to source, which it also called domain. now here's the thing. it said that there is a force field around the earth. this prevents our soul from leaving earth, not only that, but it zaps us and erases our memory. the force field was damaged once, so sometimes we remember stuff in our next life. bottom line, this is a prison planet and our souls have been trapped here for many lives. What is supposed to happen with this ascension thing, is that benevolent aliens are here to break the force field and release us into the fifth dimension of love. some souls will want to stay in the third dimension and they can. keep a bag off salt just in case this is some bullshit propaganda put on the internet by people just trying to make a buck. that's what may friends say.

Me:

Right on, well that's a bit different than the military area 51 story i heard... it's not freaking me out at all.  I see Eden everyday. I also see Unicorns and like to dress up in a pink bunny hat. Not much is going to phase me I'd say.  Thank you for sharing this!

Dude:

Kathleen, you're my kinda girl. Loving and open minded. cool. So what did the area 51 story say?

Disclaimer: I have edited a small portion of this dialogue. Mainly to protect the identity of the person who sent me this message. 

Namaste - K

Late night chat-uranga ~

I am still a little iffy about this blogging experience. I hate REALLY hate censoring myself. I had to think before writing everything and then I'd edit it and re-read it. I would make sure it wasn't offensive to anyone and then I decided to erase everything. It just wasn't authentic. So here it is. Here I am. This is for me anyways. Anyone who ever comes across my page and thinks whatever I write about is too upsetting can go play with my Carebears. I don't know you well enough to introduce you to my unicorns.

Today SUCKED. I had SUCH a FML day. When I say "sucked" I mean it blew giant chunks of regurgitated duck shit. I couldn't manage to get it together. I didn't have to work outside much which was a huge blessing. So by saying today SUCKED, perhaps that is a bit dramatic. I just named one blessing. Par for the course. I can't even stay mad at a day very long. Almost as difficult to stay mad as it is to stay on subject. Shit. (go play with Carebears). Backstory: So I haven't slept much at all since arriving on "The Mountain". I'm averaging 3 maybe 4 hours of sleep and that is a gross understatement and generous guestimate at best. Anywhoser, the sleep isn't happening. I finally caved and started taking over the counter remedies after my homeopathic remedies ran out. Those remedies work not at all. I exercise, I eat healthy, I drink hot milk before bed, I take hot showers, and I sleep on a wonderfully semi-comfortable mattress. Ha. I also get a dose of dark chocolate when needed. So to sum it up I have health, cleanliness, safety, cravings, and comfort covered. WTH? I am EXHAUSTED daily. It's wretched. The holidays are coming up, that could be a factor. I did recently kick the nicotine habit squarely between the eyeballs. I am aware that just by moving to "The Mountain" and accepting an 18 month commitment and being so isolated here that these could all be contributing factors. It's just I am stronger than this. I have not only survived hell. I've relived it a few times. My hell has no bottom and I made it out of that. Maybe my little ego doesn't like needing help. Feeling weak. Not being all powerful and capable to just do it all and not ever shed a tear. Whatever. I think this blog should be called: Dear Ego, FUCK YOU! But I need to learn compassion towards ALL parts of myself. Blah blah blah. This is so not about self-improvement this very second. This is about wearing myself down. Getting the hurt out that's underneath this block so I can sleep. HOWEVER, it's that today was SO flipping difficult being SO exhausted. I am even emotional, as in teary eyed which is just NOT me these days. That's just not where my energies are. Rather it's not where I allow them to be.  Maybe that's just it. Lady L (Our Resident Kitchen Manager) said something the other day about not sleeping well and during the course of our conversation she shared her usual process (which she had forgone, hence difficulty sleeping). She said she digs down underneath the superficial stuff and gets to the heart of it and just tackles the issue. She is tenacious with whatever is "underneath". So hmmm, perhaps I am indeed in need of tackling those "underneath" issues. FUCK. I do not want to. I want to just get through this hurdle and pass go and collect $200. Isn't this Monopoly? I didn't sign up for a game called Life. I signed up for Candyland. I'm sure I did. I want a refund. It's cold and grey and rainy up here on the mountain. DID I MENTION COLD? If I'm pingponging that's good, that means I am consciously avoiding the deeper issues that propelled me to swear and vent and get all this shit outta my system. Awesome. I don't want to cry. I don't want to be sad ever again. When I get sad I get sick.  I also don't want to feel sad. So, let's have it out self. Yes self I'm talking to you, no one else is here with us. Why aren't you tired when you are exhausted self? Bigger issues: I miss my kids. I miss them like so much it's nearly impossible to walk when I am blasted with missing them. It's like being drop kicked in the guts by a sumo wrestler. Sometimes it's out of nowhere. Fuck, now I am crying. I don't want to cry. It's this fear that if I start crying I won't stop. I've cried, really cried like twice since I've been on "The Mountain". The last time it took 3 days to get through it and luckily I had corresponding days off. This time I don't. We have a retreat checking out tomorrow so I have to be on my A game. Plus I am preparing Chai Tea (fresh brewed and prepared by yours truly). It's my big contribution. Ha. Self-depreciation allows for a little breathing room between the "truth" of this evening and my tears. Gotta laugh, gotta find laughter. Laughter saved my life. If I couldn't laugh about all of this shit I'd seriously be nuts. Heard this great quote,"I'm not insane, my mother had me tested." Oh and yes my mother surely did, and so did my step-mother, and my father, and ... that's a hell of a long list. I'm exhausted, I am seriously tired. Will I sleep tonight? Did I mention it's cold? 15 months and some days and some hours and some minutes and some seconds... I can do this. I need this. This is where the deeper healing happens. I am right where I am supposed to be. Why does it have to hurt still THIS FUCKING BAD? Where is the "turn off" switch for pain? Isn't there supposed to be some limit? I would always hear around various religious groups that,"God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Sometimes I believe that. Some days, like today. I wonder. Oh, on the FML rounding the evening out event I washed my clothes. Not just "my clothes". I washed my only remaining material possessions. I washed them with chocolate left in one of my pockets. I did not notice this transferring my clothes to the dryer. WHY? Because the freaking chocolate was still in my pocket. Neat huh? NOPE, the chocolate melted into my pocket and then all over my clothes which just happened to ALL BE on the "LIGHT" side of the color spectrum including my white long sleeve shirt and tank top. Why does THAT SUCK IN PARTICULAR? Because it's flipping cold on this mountain and now when I must layer it will look like I have skid marks all over me. I went and whined to Mz. P as we were hunkering down to watch a movie. I just couldn't find a positive about my ruined clothing. THEN IT CAME TO ME: Bunny shit. I can't get mad at bunny shit. I can't even think mad thoughts saying bunny anything. That's like at least two positives since I started ranting and raving about my shit day. Gotta let it all go. Find the humor through the pain. The lesson in all this is, that there's lots of pain and I need to just sit with it, acknowledge it, and then let it go. Can't change others. Just myself. I AM SO GOING TO BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Ghandi had it right. I have it right. I just need to stop being a fucking caterpillar. It's a little too cold to throw off the cocoon just yet. Ha, procrastination at it's finest. I have a LOT of work to do tomorrow. Tossing and turning is at the very least resting my eyeballs. Night ya'll. Love you kiddos if or rather when you ever read your mamma's craziness. I might be nuts but know I am nuts about you.

Top 5 things I am thankful for today:
The stars
Laughter
Mz. P
Pictures
Bunnies

Namaste - K

ॐ Evening Post ॐ

There is always a silver lining. Sometimes we just have to wait for it, wait for it...and VOILA - there it is! 

Upekkha
I am the owner of my karma.
May happiness and unhappiness arise through my actions,
and not outside causes.

Namaste - K

ॐ Evening Post ॐ

Mudita
May my good fortune continue and increase

Namaste - K

ॐ Evening Post ॐ

Karuna

May I be free from suffering and it's causes

Namaste - K

ॐ Evening Post ॐ

The late edition of the evening post is now commencing (said out loud in my best Walter Cronchite voice).  Anyways, I suppose this is the best time of day to reflect. I am plain worn out though from raking all the leaves you may have noticed in the pictures below. The path you may see peeking out was created by yours truly. I will therefore make this quick and call it an early night. I have a long day of work scheduled tomorrow and I must rest to do my best. Before I sign off I will share today's Metta (Loving-Kindness).

Metta

May I be free (or safe) from all forms of danger and harm

May I have mental happiness

May I have physical happiness

May I have ease of well-being

Namaste - K

Side note regarding pictures ~

I will go back through all of my pictures and arrange a better layout and attach captions for certain photos as well. This is a work in progress just like moi! ;-)

My favorite tree ~

Fall Foliage (Present Day)