Right Action ~

Listing the things I am grateful for. This is right action. I will not participate in anything else. I am worthy of balance and harmony and equally worthy of love. I am love. You are love. We are all love. The Divine Spark of the Creator lies within every molecule of my existence. I have am an active participant in the world around me. I live in this precious moment. Now. The past is behind me and time has become my friend as each passing day soothes all hurt and eases all pain. I am one with the Universe and all sentient beings. We are all connected and I am actively striving to better myself and accept change. My truth is clear and my intent is focused daily. I am a loving and kind and joyously peaceful being. I am. 

Top 5 things I am grateful for today:

Loving Kindness - Metta

Affirmations :)

Insight

True Friendship

Generosity of Spirit

K

 

I Dare You To Move - Switchfoot with lyrics

Michael Jackson- Man in the Mirror Lyrics

Mirror Mirror on the Wall ~

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."

By Thomas Merton


I dedicate this to my son and daughter... I love you always as you are.
You are perfection ~ You fill my heart ~
Mom


Top 5 Things I am grateful for today:
A new co-conspirator (BIG SMILEY FACE!)
Memories
Compassion
Desire
Kindness


One Blessed Love,
K

Honest Abe ~

Truthful and Honest. There IS a difference.  It IS possible to be COMPLETELY truthful without being at all honest. Strange concept to many. For me, it has been my whole life. I have referred to myself as a liar. I no longer do as I no longer identify with that behavior yet it is a constant daily struggle to be mindful of my words.  I have to diligently work on not becoming defensive when asked a question that perhaps brings up no memory (a sure sign there is some icky stuff lurking around I haven't been strong enough to deal with) or triggers a rather traumatic memory. My "comfort" zone or rather "safety" zone for my heart is rather small these days. It is growing but it seems to be a relatively small step towards trusting others with my heart of hearts and all it contains. I want to be forthright and the trusting loving essence of who I was. I am being shown so many reminders of what that looks like.  My best friend from my college days, my best friend from junior high throughout high school, and even my ex and a dear friend loosely related via marriage have shown me something quite remarkable.  I am a truth teller. My heart, my heart doesn't lie. My heart has never lied. My face, my face reveals my feelings. My heart, my heart reveals my truth. I am simply a soul having quite a very human experience. That means I fuck up! LOTS. Who doesn't I suppose is the question? Being judged harshly and critically and found lacking time and again. When did I start believing what others thought of me on such a level that their story of me became my own? I am the storyteller of my life. No one else. There is so much to say, so much to share. Yet, I hesitate. I pause. I still live in a place where fear exists at times. That place is my bondage, my achilles heel, my dark stain upon my soul. I am here however and I have purpose. This life is but a blink of an eye and I plan to leave it by having served a higher purpose than surviving until this human form ends. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. TRULY. LIVE IT ALL. DO IT ALL. LIFE LIFE ~ 

Drink from the fountain of magic and dance on the wings of Grace ...

Don't dream the impossible. Do the impossible...

Top 10 things I am GRATEFUL for today:

Divinity

Grace

Love

Compassion

Gratitude

CHILDREN

Vegan Chili

Health Insurance

Friends

Truth

One Blessed Love,

K

Faithless - Reverence (Full Length - Album Version)

"You don't need eyes to see, you need vision!"

Daring to dream BIGGER ~

I haven't been writing. Not wanting to share. Not wanting to put it down. Not wanting to realize my own truth. Feeling so incapable of doing this new life. Seeing the tools I have as inadequate in my possession. Yet if that's the case then what's the point? Was I happier when things were simple? Was I?  Were they really simpler? NO. I thought lately I had some "direction" because I acquired some stability. I have had such sheer moments of joy recently with both of my children. Yet, I know that's not enough. I don't accept it. I'm going to dare to dream big. REALLY BIG. I want it all. I want the career, the education, the opportunity to do it all right. To care for my children, contribute to their futures. I want to be the best of me. I want to be the type of woman I want my son to marry. The type of woman I want my daughter to become. These stupid doubts keep chasing me. Telling me I can't. Telling me I am not strong enough. Telling me I am not smart enough. This fear, this constant companion. ENOUGH!

I've lost too much sleep, lost too many hopes, lost too many dreams. I know that doesn't mean I give up now or settle on what's easy. This is my challenge. I am going to dream all over again, and I am going to hope all over again. I am also going to do this all over again. I'm going to do it all. I simply won't accept any less. How can I do this? I will put my faith in GOD. I realize my past is not the map of my future.  Hey at this rate my direction should look a lot like the yellow brick road. I think that by process of elimination alone even I can't screw this up too badly. Ha ha. Seriously though, I have the most reasons to succeed. To be the girl who makes good. I gave God the good deeds of my past as well as all the sins of my past. I have a total do-over. Clean slate. I accept the challenge. It will take time. It will take dedication and focus and more than I've ever given this life.

This has got to be the most random forum to journal in. But hey, gotta do what works!

I've had a lot of unearthing of my past.  Old memories are resurfacing. I'm searching for a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist that specializes in grief counseling. I am going to get the support to finally face down my demons. Face them down I will and I shall slay them one at a time. Isn't that what all self rescuing princesses do?

Well, this is my entry for "today" as it's after midnight. Still unsure on how much to trust to this blog but I haven't given up. Not by a long shot.

STAR CHILD ~ My sweet beautiful girl, if you are reading this please contact your mother.  I love you baby girl. My mom heart just longs to know you are OK.  We can overcome anything and we can start again, together. Stay strong angel of mine.

Ah, now I can feel a shift in my perception. A subtle difference. A less heavy heart. Integration of my selves as a whole me emerges... I'm daring to dream bigger. Bigger than I've ever dreamed before. This time. I won't accept less than everything. I won't accept it.  I don't believe God brought me this far to have me fail now.

I don't how this new life will look from the inside. I know I am open. Open and willing. But what is to come? Only God knows...

Top 5 things I am thankful for today:
Underwear that doesn't give you wedgies
Compassion
Teachers
Children
Purpose

One Blessed Love,
K

Brink of Eternity ~

Brink Of Eternity

In desperate hope I go and search for her
in all the corners of my room;
I find her not.

My house is small
and what once has gone from it can never be regained.

But infinite is thy mansion, my lord,
and seeking her I have to come to thy door.

I stand under the golden canopy of thine evening sky
and I lift my eager eyes to thy face.

I have come to the brink of eternity from which nothing can vanish
---no hope, no happiness, no vision of a face seen through tears.

Oh, dip my emptied life into that ocean,
plunge it into the deepest fullness.
Let me for once feel that lost sweet touch
in the allness of the universe.

Rabindranath Tagor

Top 5 things I am grateful for today:
Love
2nd chances
Quirkiness
Yoga
Bodhisattva

One Blessed Love,
K

A NEW Attitude of Gratitude ~

I have a new book. Cloud Atlas. There are 4 of us gals embarking on the reading of this book together.  Since none of us were able to watch the movie we are forming our very own rather unique book club. Hmmm... I wonder if we should name it? That'd be fun.

Well, I have to read at least one page. Plus I am starting my new early early morning schedule. I will start cooking up here on the mountain 3 days a week.  That means, that well, I will be cooking a lot of food, a lot, for a lot of people.  I have done the cooking for a lot of people before in my life. I am both excited and nervous.  It's been a long time since myself and sharp objects and competency and open flame were linked together. HA! Luckily with people being in noble silence up here on "The Mountain" no one can complain about my cooking! :D

Top 5 things I am GRATEFUL for today:

My DAUGHTER

My SON

My FRIENDS 

My CREATOR

My LIFE

One Blessed Love,

K

I Shall Believe - Sheryl Crow

Etana - Living Love Life

The Goddess ~

Over the past 6 months I have come across a spiral, either in jewelry, a carving, or even sewn into a fabric design quite frequently.  By quite frequently I mean every time I head out of my dwelling I come across this symbol. I am drawn to it like a moth to a flame. It's quite extraordinary.  I have looked into the "meaning" behind this symbol. Of course being an over thinker I went and read WAY to much into it. Finally I "let it go" and voila, the truth came back to me. In a nutshell? A universal symbol that belongs to all, excludes none. The Journey of Life...

To my daughter:
Embrace your inner Goddess honey. She is a child, maiden, mother, and crone. We are all four. Now, finally I understand the importance of will. Using our will, that is a GOOD thing. Never EVER let ANYONE break your will. Only YOU understand the importance of YOUR will, the STRENGTH of who YOU are is YOUR guiding force to see you through EVERY obstacle.  You are ALL things Magickal ~

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magick

Crowley saw magick as the essential method for a person to reach true understanding of the self and to act according to one's true will, which he saw as the reconciliation "between freewill and destiny."^[3] Crowley describes this process in his Magick, Book 4:

One must find out for oneself, and make sure beyond doubt, who one is, what one is, why one is ...Being thus conscious of the proper course to pursue, the next thing is to understand the conditions necessary to following it out. After that, one must eliminate from oneself every element alien or hostile to success, and develop those parts of oneself which are specially needed to control the aforesaid conditions. (Crowley, Magick, Book 4p.134)

Oh Goddness, Mother Earth
Oh Divine Creator, God
I thank thee
I love thee


Top 5 things I am grateful for today:

Mz. P
Friends
Children
Giggles
Adventures

One Blessed Love,
K
       

Chinese Proverb ~

To get through the hardest journey,
we need only take,
one step at a time.

But we must,
keep on stepping.

Chinese Proverb ~

Top 5 things I am grateful for today:
Hope
Forgiveness
Grace
Love
Peace

One Blessed Love,
K

A devotees dance with yoga ~ My manifesto

A devotees dance with yoga,

where angels sing on rays of light

on wings of grace the angels dance. the angels dance.

there is a space that exists within each of us

a vast spirit, as expansive as the ocean. as the ocean.

where our souls breathe with the heart of God

from the heart of the universe, the universe

we set one intention.. 

Love ~

Top 5 things I am grateful for today: 

Angels

Children

Yoga

Love

GOD

One Blessed Love ~

K

I´ve Got This Friend-The Civil Wars (With Lyrics)

Jumbalaya ~

A pot of jumbalaya. That's what my thoughts are.  Thick, rich, hearty, spicy, mysterious, flavorful, aromatic, dark, and satisfying. Comfort food for the soul. My thoughts are perhaps comfort for once in my life. I can break down the uppermost thoughts in my mind.  It is a bit unnerving to realize that my life is for the first time I can recall not in imminent danger in some way. Either from outside forces (others) or inside force (myself). I am making better choices. I am following the Buddha's RIGHT ACTION. It is VERY challenging to be mindful and aware of every word and action in how it can affect another and especially oneself. I want to write more but I have the opportunity to take a bath . Bath wins. ;-)

Top 5 things I am thankful for today:
Bathtubs
Ladies at the bottom of the hill (Moat Mamas)
Yoga
Children
Love. Sweet Love.

One Blessed Love,
K

P.S. I do shower. Just do not have access to a bathtub on the mountain on a regular basis. Things to note before moving to an isolated area.  By isolated I mean you are surrounded by rebel forces that would make Darth Vader think twice about messing with them! Don't mess with fundamentalists with purpose. Just in case you are confused that means, "DO NOT MESS WITH REDNECKS CARRYING GUNS!" Tangent over. :)

P.S.S. If my daughter is reading this: I miss YOU more than ALL of the M & M's in the UNIVERSE!

Prayer of St. Francis by Sarah MacLachlan

Sea Dreamer - Sting/Anoushka Shankar/Karsh Kale

Bathe In These Waters

I Am

Manifesto ~

I have been inspired by the "Manifesto Movement" to write my own manifesto of my own innermost truth.
http://manifestomovement.com/

SIANNA’S MANIFESTO

Now is the time for the Sacred Activation
Of myself and all beings
I stand with courage to see myself fully
Remembering kindness all along the way
Where my own consciousness is sleeping,

Wake up Wake up Wake up

Plumb these depths to the ocean floor
See what frightens me and grow my awareness
Unfurl these heart wings
Fly to the vault of this eternal inner sky
Meet myself again and again in the form of every one of you
Be real with what is
Become keenly aware of my own default mechanisms
Love myself even more when I see my wounds, hurts and vulnerabilities
Meditate – Listen - Breathe
Know my fault lines are places of growth and possibility
Be in awe of my soul’s journey and the soul journey of all
Read in between the lines
Hear beneath the surface
See in the midst of messiness
What is inside is outside and what is outside is inside

One family One family One family

Local roots nourish global roots
Commune with the trees
Swim in the sea
Bathe in moonlight
Rest in my lover’s embrace
Play with the children
Sit with the elders
Be present for my friends and family
Allow intimacy to blossom fully
When I want to shut down, close off and go away,
Step bravely into my heart
Think out of the box
Know there is more
Let love lead the way

Hold Space Hold Space Hold Space

This is all learning
Learn well and help others along the way
Be in service to the empowerment of the collective voice
A vessel for Mother Consciousness to blaze through me
Tend to this heart flame
Sadhana of ferocity, clarity and radiance of being
Yogini Hridaya
MahaShakti ignite
Polish this mirror
See the truth
Practice no matter what
Attune to the rhythm of love

Love all Love all Love all

I do not know what my own manifesto will say yet I know this: It will be MY truth. 

With all the love in my heart I give thanks to the Divine Creator ~

Top 5 things I am grateful for today:
Accomplishment
Forgiveness
Children
Compassion
Divine Love

One Blessed Love,
K

Snatam Kaur Feeling Good Today

Even by Simon Day - The Black Balloon Soundtrack

Madeleine Peyroux Smile