Been a rough few on the mountain. We've been stuffing envelopes. Oh yes, you read that correctly. Just reading it is so flipping boring. We've been stuffing envelopes. Oh hello paper cuts and dehydrated flesh as the paper absorbs every drop of water from your soul. Are you kidding me? I realize that here's another great opportunity for growth, YAY Universe! Neato I say, simply Neato. I was TRAINED, yes TRAINED on stuffing envelopes. Did you know for example that folding a piece of paper requires an intense 30 minute discussion and course in how people read a letter and why and the best way to place it strategically against the flap of an envelope? Did you know there is a system to stuffing additional inserts and those envelopes as well? Are you KIDDING ME??? OMG. Compassion, Patience, Forgiveness, Love. Oh boy oh boy. "STAPLER!" (This is my "mantra" word for stopping my negative thoughts, it is me needing to staple my "inner" lips to still my "inner" voice from listing all the negatives and concentrate on the positive, I say it a LOT because I have a LOT of work to do.. lol). No wonder they think I'm "special". I sound like Rainman. "STAPLER"
Shit I felt almost suicidal with the grey skies lately. The weather isn't so bad. I can suck it up, the cold, it's doable as long as there is SUNSHINE. We had ONE day of SUN. It was GLORIOUS! Now I need to ask myself what can I do to change my attitude? What can I do to make this experience better? I can focus on myself and what I CAN do about the "Seasonal Affective Disorder" that is so prevalent in these parts. Better known as the DEFECTIVE disorder as I refer to it. Lol. I have switched my entire loft unit around. I now have my bedroom downstairs. I have created a fully functional space within one space instead of spread out over two. The loft is now for my yoga, meditation, books, music, and art. It's my "space". It's completely separate from anything that is "work". I LOVE IT. A most special thanks to the ladies on "The Mountain" for their willingness to support my health and happiness. What extraordinary people. How did I become so blessed? I am beginning to think of myself as having an enchanted life. When did THIS HAPPEN? I went from Cinderella scrubbing toilets, oh wait, I still scrub toilets... ha ha. Anyways, it's the beauty all around. The gentleness. The kindness. The biggest "gripe" about work is really: NOTHING. I love helping people and being a part of a team that is just trying to give people a safe place to sit with whatever arises during retreat. A level of comfort and belonging. A place to be vulnerable that radiates kindness. A place I myself would want to call "home". A place that in fact I am beginning to view as home. I have so much love to share. I now have a place in which I can share it. A place even my OCD is viewed as a strength and is fed glorious meals of tasks I can fixate on. What a life! Now I just need to find the "perfect" dentist, get my yoga teacher's license, and make a trip back to the islands (for R and R). Once all of that happens, well, then I will have a whole new set of goals and adventures awaiting me. First things first, find out if my daughter is going to be able to visit for Christmas break or if I am going "home" to see my friends for the holidays.
So yeah, the funny thing. Mz. P turns to me and says,"Professional Envelope Stuffers wear finger condoms." I must have busted a gut, an artery, or a stitch. SOMETHING. How randomly freaking AWESOME yet "right on subject" is THAT COMMENT???
Well that's it for me right now. I really am starting to like it here. Amid the sky I share with all (I love remembering that, I am always sharing the sky with those I love), I sit here safe, loved, cared for, appreciated, accepted, noticed, and liked. I am alone yet I am not lonely. I miss those I love for their unique company, their sweet spirits, and the combined energy where love is expressed. My children's faces, conversations, personalities, and just the essence of their BEING human in my presence I miss most dearly. These things I miss but like all else, it changes. The only thing that is constant is impermanence. Be it my children or a friend. We are truly always sharing love under the same sky. That can be anywhere. Even here.
I am "settling" and loving love. With the negative is the positive and that is perfect. As long as I don't lose sight of what's good no matter the sadness. I am realizing that having things not work out as I had planned (ha ha) does not mean the dream is crushed. It simply means that I have to recalibrate the original. :D There is always an opportunity for spiritual growth. In my particular case, lots of it. In fact, a lifetime of it! Right now my goal is to enjoy life, enjoy love, enjoy those things that make the spirit sing. Enjoy having a place to put my head that is safe and keeps my body free from harm. My spirit will strengthen. My soul will shine. May light illuminate my being (and yours).
Top 5 things I am thankful for today:
Kathleen's "Space"
"The Mountain"
Mz. P
Sunshine
Children
Namaste - K
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