A New Tune ~

Whoa, what a night, what a day. I cooked my first all by myself breakfast, lunch, and dinner up here on "The Mountain". I figured out I need to offer compassion to that one person who has offered me none and love her more, just with boundaries (me thinks there's some lesson in here too, ha ha). Going to sit on the job search, make sure I am doing right by me, my integrity, and by God before I move on. I came up here to challenge myself and seeing this through in the healthiest and most balanced way tempered with respect, love, and compassion seems to be what I am not only required to do and well, I am not quite done here yet. Oddly, today, the first day after my last talk with boss lady was met with the most balanced and gentle and authentic warmth, from both of us to be fair. Miracle of miracles. I should really stop being surprised! Okay, I wasn't shocked, I was myself, the best of myself, I've been working on my shit and so apparently has she. This is the first relationship I've been in where the other person actually shifted as well, not just all left up to me. It's quite the most amazing experience. I will be glad to revisit this post and re-read how wonderful this feels. It's a new feeling to have someone rededicate their energy towards you in a positive way. No one has ever done that with me before, as my lovely co-worker Mz. H would say I've been hanging out with the wrong crowd. Understatement. I've never had this type of support before. Not in person. Not consistently. Nope. I've had a few real friends, still have them, but it's different. This is like the battle field, I know who has my back now. Pretty fucking amazing. So few people actually know what's really happened. Yet I persist and I succeed. I am following through and through GOD I am learning to live day by day. It's the hardest lesson and the hardest one I have been forced to learn. I can either have a shitty day worrying about tomorrow and what "might" be or I can have this amazing day, and I did!

Here's where things got really fun today, so my check is like a fraction of the already work for peanuts check as I'm pretty much working for hugs because of the fall and appointments etc.. etc.. So, Mz. P lets me take her car into town to my dentist appointment where they tell me I have to have my top and bottom teeth in the front sealed, this lasts 3 years max so "The Mountain" will be on my mind every time I revisit the dentist for life. YAY! Ugh.. anyways, over that, my dentist is actually amazing, they all are and of COURSE they are all LDS. Lol. Someone said dentists weren't compassionate and ethical, and I agreed until meeting my new group of Mormon dentists. I must say, it works. THEY ROCK! Proceeding on here, after the dentist, light errands as only a $12 budget could be called, ha ha. Leave Target and what happens? Mz. P's car is deader than a door nail. WHAT??? Oh yeah, then I get a jump, then I am driving and the car dies, just dies right before the on-ramp to the freeway where it intersects where the other side lets out. (However I just explained that, just think, one of the worst case scenarios while operating a motor vehicle.)  I have the hazards on, I'm around the corner from Shell but I am dead in the water. Cars behind me getting off the freeway swerving to miss me and moi? I am cool and calm and collected. I don't even breathe heavy. I get out and do all the right things, motion people around, call Mz. P totally calm, the whole 9. Why? 'Cause God's got this is what I know, in that moment, and in this one! That's why.  Lesson in that moment is that this can either make it or break it, make it or break me, make it or break my day, make it or break my trust in the process and my faith in God. Verdict?  I made it baby and it felt soooooooooooooooooooo good. WHAT? Yep, I rocked the moment, and two good ole' boys that were really good ole' girls from the self rescuing princess society pushed me to the Shell Station, jumped the car and back on the road I was. Now what? I got this. Oh and the cause? Not sure, there is a possibility that a squirrel who made a lovely nest on Mz. P's battery knocked the cables loose. The lovely gas attendant who of course showed up as the girls had me in the Shell driveway and then offered to help noted the extreme heap of discarded nut casings all over the battery. He was a certified genius, yet so very deserving of compassion (I will work on that later of course, ha). Yes, it was funny and a little inconvenient, and maybe a little concerning, but that's it. That was the run of emotions, fear had no place. Even driving home in a total downpour behind a fuel truck with sheets of water so thick I had no visibility beyond maybe one car length, and I felt not a damn thing even related to fear. This was the most absurdly balanced day of my life perhaps. Okay, that was just strange to write, but yeah, possibly so. At least up to date!

Goddess ~ Today I was a woman. Today I am a woman. Today I AM.
God
Music has always inspired my delicate soul,
the melodies fill me up, free me and make me whole
Lyrics support my every beautiful emotion,
moody, turbulent, a crescendo like my beloved ocean
Harmony, sweet harmony and the balance of life,
all merging together, songs of coexistance and overcoming strife
Listening to the the strains, it's all relevant, it uplifts and soothes my pain
There is a message. Listen. Life is an orchestra and love, the greatest symphony ~

We are one.

I thank you Divine Creator for my Divine Existence.
By your Grace,
Your Pure Daughter

Top 10 Things I am GRATEFUL for today:
Self Rescuing Princesses
Hazard Lights
Music, Sweet Music
Mormon Dentists
Self-Love
Dark Chocolate 88%
Pink Toe Nails
Growth Opportunities
Faith in GOD
My Babies

P.S. I sure thought of you two today, more than a couple of times. It was pretty cool being back in LDS land and finding out one of my dentists is preparing to say "goodbye" to his son for 2 years in just a couple of weeks. His son is going to Chile. I wonder where you are going to be called to serve son. How you have managed to continue with these right actions and right choices to be able to serve is so amazing to me. You are the best of all worlds. You are the best representation. You really are. Oh I am so very proud of you. Wherever you go, you will always be right with me, in my heart, always. My dear girl, this struggle of my own just reminds me of how extremely blessed I have been to have you as an example. Who would have ever thought a mother would think of her teenage daughter as a role model? Now that's a hell of a feat young lady! You are quite positively a rock star, but not the Amy Winehouse kind, more like Taylor Swift without all the boy drama. Plus, you're a lot smarter, and like uber gorgeous. Really though my Star child it's your fortitude and insight, wisdom and perseverance that demand I give you no less. A hell of a way to stay motivated, I have no intention of letting you down. Simple as that! :) Oh how I love you two. Mom

P.S.S. Tonight I can hear the "little buddhas" (these super adorable little frogs that come out from the fountains and ponds, they haven't been out since the end of fall). It's like nature is celebrating tonight as well. So very lovely ~