Most of the time, I'm OK. Today wasn't one them. Although I prayed A LOT and through it, I made it. These standards I'm putting down are brutal. It's harder than I ever conceived of to "undo" the damage from having been such a doormat, whatever the intention, the desire to be agreeable, "the consummate people pleaser" so lenient with people in regards to my own boundaries. The expectation that others are considerate as well. The desire to offer others a choice to choose to be kind followed with the mentality of it's just "how I roll". See the good in people, offer everyone the opportunity to exercise their inherent goodness. humanKIND. Problem? I exercised too much flexibility and poor judgment (really dislike that word intensely, side note: Isn't it ironic that within my mediation I work on NON Judgement of everything that arises, so now I have to work on being non-judgmental with judgement) with the wrong crowd. Now? Now the clean up begins in earnest. My world, even smaller. I am down to the few on one hand I can count and my children remaining. I'm OK with that. So the current boss has the compassion of a wet match and kindness that is outshone by a dried prune. So yeah, that's tough. But hey, here's where it counts right? Making this less difficult for the future and understanding why it is so hard right now. APPLYING THE LEARNING DURING THE LESSON. Life won't stay like this, that's the beauty of impermanence. The beauty of me? I am already feeling better because no matter what, I am one positive puppy. One very positive puppy. No one gets to hurt me anymore. So THERE! God has my back. Jesus on the left, Buddha to the front, Krishna to the right. I'm like so incredibly protected, plus there are like a zillion other prophets and teachers of the past and these times to call upon. I'm NEVER alone. There is so much to feed my spirit, so many outlets to strengthen my soul. This isn't it, this is just the beginning.
I've been working on my Kabbalah cards and A Course In Miracles. It's about the work I am committed to, and I am committed. This is a bump in the road. My past is a joke, really, it's where I should look to draw on my strength not feed my weaknesses. HELLO, I am brilliant to FINALLY get that. WOW, 39 + years. Better late than never. Fuck talk-therapy. I'm really done with it. Done with it all. No more dredging it up for anyone. I WANT TO LIVE RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT! It's BEAUTIFUL. I can hear my heart beating, feel my eyelashes on my cheeks, feel my nose itch. I LOVE MY PRESENT. I am not fucking around anymore. It's not "all or nothing", it's ALL AND ALL! I have a new job to locate. A school to get accepted to. Housing and transportation to figure out and all on a budget of $12.00. This is a challenge NOT an obstacle! The trick is finding the balance between this material world and my soul's spiritual realm ~ I operate on Love, Some do not hear, for them I shall speak their language, I don't like it, but it seems to be necessary. I was given a wonderful bit of insight I shall share,"God created the word YES and also the word NO, it's up to us to choose when to use each, and up to us to use both." Food for thought! Besides, what do I expect as the outcome? Unlimited GOODNESS ~ Yeah, I'm willing to work really damn hard for this life.
Goddess
God
I release the past, the sickness, the dis-ease
I am a beautiful exquisite soul, rising up, soaring higher
I feel your love, your guidance, your strength fill me
I accept my place, I acknowledge my worth
I am whole
Your Pure Daughter
P.S. Kids, Your Destiny is INFINITE LOVE ~ Express YOURSELF and BE FREE
Top 5 Things I am GRATEFUL for today:
Revelations
Epiphanies
Guidance
Knowledge
Valor
One Blessed Love,
K
No comments:
Post a Comment