I keep joking (half joking, of course some truth is involved) that I am an underachiever. That there are "A" personality types and based on that rating I would be considered more of a B+ type. I have been comfortable in the "slightly above average" category in most areas of life. I've gone out of my way to correct people who have even complimented me when I've had an extraordinary (in my perspective) day. Meaning, if someone says, "Beautiful", I say,"Cute", if someone says, "Intelligent", I say, "So-so smarts", if someone says, "Kind", I say "Nice at times", rather I DID say these things. Really unproductive and totally putting myself down. ENOUGH of that. God has my back and since I am a Divine Creation I am thinking now or rather trusting now that I am spectacular and I am the best me I can be RIGHT NOW. That's a thought worth considering. Being happy in THIS moment, means being happy with MYSELF in this moment. Score one for "team insight"! :)
I almost didn't practice yoga today. I meditated this morning before work and started falling asleep around 6:30. Mz. P and I are on a challenge of sorts. I am practicing a "physical" yoga combined with spiritual and mental yoga daily, 30 times in 30 days. The deal (with myself) is that if I miss any aspect of the three I have to make it up by doubling up. I'm behind 4 physical days. I've got this. I'm motivated beyond motivated. I know because sleep is a precious commodity in my life and I got up and just finished practice a half hour ago. That means I was awake to write tonight. These are all important aspects of my life. Not worth missing. Not at all. I have so many reasons to be happy. I need to be on top of my devotion and thanks. It's so little to give when I receive so very much.
Okay, well that's some sort of update! :)
Goddess ~ I feel the vibration, the core, the center pulsating through me. I am ready ~
God
Thank you for this miraculous day. No pain, none at all. Euphoric? I don't know how else to describe it. I do know how to respond and react to it, with thanks and dedication. Here I am, your daughter, and I thank you. My children are healthy and safe and on track to pursue their dreams, and I thank you. The kids dad is doing well and we are communicating openly and kindly and respectfully, and I thank you. I have closed additional chapters with people from the past trusting my true intuition, and I thank you. My world is smaller yet with the people who participate in my life, yet my world is growing exponentially with the people whose life I participate in, and I thank you. Here, where I am, is where I need to be, and I thank you. These lessons while so hard and seemingly brutal at times, are what I need to prepare me for life off "The Mountain", and I thank you. As exposed as I have been to many unpleasant aspects in life, there has always been a rather naive quality about me, I have grown and matured in many ways, and I thank you. It is a good thing, a very good thing, and I thank you. Though I have endured the growing pains sometimes less than stoically or gracefully, I have endured, and I thank you. I have persevered, and I thank you. I am becoming who I was meant to be, and I thank you. Thank you, thank you for showing me the reflection of my soul. There are no words, there is only this life to show my appreciation. With all that I am, that you have created me to be, that you are preparing me to become, I love you. I thank you. Please grant me continued serenity and a life of grace under pressure with a kind word and gentle touch ~
Your Daughter
Top 5 things I am Grateful for today:
NO PAIN
Euphoria
Yoga
Meditation
Mystical
P.S. Hello my sweet of sweetest two songs of my heart. Son, I wanted to share one of my favorite memories of you. After a Basketball game (at Silverlake) we were at a store and a girl (your twin, Jasmine) was there and some other kids from your basketball team, you hugged me and then held my hand. I remember saying to you that you didn't have to hug me back, I was just SO stinking proud of you and just wanting to hug and squeeze you. You looked at me and said,"It's okay mom, I love you, I'm not embarrassed". You hugged me and held my hand at the checkout. That was one of the happiest days of my life. I remember totally bragging on you that I have a son that publicly loved his mom, me. My heart was so full. It is so full now with just the memory. To remember that moment of pure sweetness, that unashamed quality of loving that you possess. Priceless. I love you son. My Star Child, I dreamed of you and your brother last night. I don't know if it was a memory or a dream. I woke up crying. It was one of those dreams you don't remember exactly what happened but you feel the feeling. Mahino? It was like hugging you in my dream. I thought I lost so much, but my mind, there are memories filtering in, and many of those memories are of the two of you. It's the greatest gift. I am so thankful for these memories. Damn I miss you two. Motivation, motivation, motivation! Loving you more than, well, anything ~ Mom
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