Samson and Delilah ~

Ah, a love song. Not the divine love song of my dearest and most beautiful Krishna and Radha, but perhaps one of the those I know well: Samson and Delilah.

I loved, oh yes I loved, so deeply, so well, so truly, many thought the basis of my mental instability was simply my loving someone else too much, too fully, too completely.  I loved him fully, although it was one foot in the grave, mine. I was lost, in my own mind, the voices, his words, the words of others and my heart broke. Now, now my heart is mending, it is whole and full of sorrow and love together in one place. It is glorious and still I experience pangs of bittersweet sorrow, yet I manage, I move forward, and I know now more than ever how blessed I was and am to have had that love, to have felt that love for another because I will never doubt my capacity for love, ever. What a gift is that I ask you?

He did have long hair when I met him. So beautiful, like a tropical waterfall, so exotic, intoxicating...

Moving on, here I am today, and a step closer to who God is preparing for me, for us, as my children will always have a place in my life. (No one meant for me would not be meant for them as well. That is something I relish, I treasure, I find comfort in.)  These are not just standards for a day, for a phase, but for my forever. Yes, I shall wait, yes, I shall persevere no matter, as I have been shown, there is life beyond the here and now. Unlike my Buddhist counterparts, I do not believe this is all. I never did, and I do not forsee changing my stance on that tres importante factoid in my life. Although, to be fair, I shall not again use the "n" word, EVER with the N in front of it...

Ah, enough sentiment for tonight, much to share yet, I have, on the outside, with a dear friend, a friend from before that has a place in the future, one of those rare unique beings that continues to remain despite the odds, genuine, true, and just well, supportive. The truth hurts, she does not mince the facts, yet gentles them, something rare in my life. Rare and appreciated more than all the rice in China, fuck the tea!

Goddess ~ The power today, I shone brightly within every word I said rightly.  I thank you ~
God
Where to begin oh benevolent creator? I prayed, you stayed, I was never alone.
A vessel I only requested to be, through you was revealed a portion of my destiny.
My heart rings true in all I say and all I do, your way is clear though murky it began
I am not questioning any longer, your will is my command, I hear and I obey
Listening has become my newest virtue, in this place I desire to stay, so much to learn
By feeding revelation and not the story, I am in this life, living in all of your glory
THANK YOU!

By Your Grace,
Your Pure Daughter

Top 5 things I am GRATEFUL for today:
A Muse
Pametta
Direction (through process of extreme elimination, ha ha)
Fortitude
Dreams

P.S. You two, how ever did I think I could figure anything out at all? Seems a bit arrogant, or at the least mistrustful of my own intuition as I know without a doubt there is a greater "one" than us, a larger "being", a Divine Creator. Oh yes, I have always believed in God, I just haven't always believed in me. Yet as I become wiser (I hope) I see that by not having believed in me I was not believing in God. As God is within me, well, there's some serious discrepancies right? There's some other story that will fit right into this place one day when I'm ready to share it, it concerns my dad. We'll leave it alone for now though. I love you two more than an eagle loves it's wings ~
Mom